Recent trends of writing a lot, then stopping, then starting again, then stopping again, have made me reflect on my relationship with writing. It’s not that I don’t have the time, it’s not that I dislike it. In fact, it is quite the opposite. I have more time recently than I know what to do with and I have discovered that writing is the most natural form of self-expression for me (not fashion, not public speaking, not conversation, which are quite obvious if I have had the pleasure of meeting you).
Writing allows for my sometimes slow thought process to catch up to my words before they come out. It allows me to carefully choose the word combinations to honestly and accurately express the thoughts that bounce around in my head. Then the joy of reading it back to myself to double check that it says what I want it to say. I can’t get that when talking. So why is it that I have been avoiding it like the plague?
I have a terrible habit of judging myself. I could go into an exploration of why that is, but for now I’ll leave it at that. And there is something in me that becomes very uneasy at the idea of spending any significant amount of time doing something that is kind of narcissistic and arguably unproductive. Exercising, going to work, creating tangible things, spending social time with others, networking, these are the things that I tell myself I should be doing, before locking myself up in my room and typing my heart out on my little old, but faithful laptop.
But that makes no sense. If I have a desire to write, then I should write. (Not that all desires should be indulged, but positive ones that bring me closer to being my best self should). If I will be more fulfilled, and closer to understanding myself and my place in the world after typing this blog post than after a 30-minute run, then why should I run?
I suppose my conclusion is that life is too short to spend my time judging myself, besides, there are far too many other people out there to do it for me. And if I feel like writing, then I’m going to write, as long as there are things to write about. And if there are not, then God help us all.